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| so---
God---
He is great to be sure. I find that as my relationship grows with Him, i begin to thank Him for the most strange things. when more pain than i have ever experienced comes my way, i strangely look up, and want nothing but to thank Him. He has consider ME worthy of such a test? me, the immature and awkward 20 year old boy waddling down the road of life, tripping every other step...it makes me wonder all sorts of things. first of all, where do so many of the facets of us humans exist...i mean...logistically? practically, tangibly, where does our mind exist? and for that matter, where do our hearts reside...they are somewhere in us to be sure, but where that elusive and tricky place might be---if indeed it is "in" anything at all---will probly slip from my knowledge the rest of this vapor-like life. and how...*dramatic and thoughtful pause ;)*...how can we hurt so bad sometimes, that we really hurt in our hearts---that is in our chest, our solar plexus, our sternum, whatever you wanna call it---? has anyone ever been on a subway, and felt someones eyes grazing you? you can FEEL their eyes on you, and instantly you look perfectly in the direction of the one watching you...in the middle of a crowded subway...its strange. how many things in this world has God thrown in here just for us to wonder? how can He give us such strong connections with one another that we can FEEL pain for one another? well, i dont really know how He does it logistically, or practically for that matter, but i do know that He can hurt far more than we can...even for ourselves. and each time he allows us to have compassion for eachother---i mean REAL PAIN---he allows us to have a snapshot of what he felt on the cross...he lets us gaze for a minute, into the world of pain he took from us. in so doing, he shows us one more picture of His love. its really quite beautiful i think...to think that the creator of all things would find me worthy of knowing Him, and sharing in just a miniscule portion of His being...its a truly overwhelming thought to behold. i think that i want to try and not take it for granted *warning: politically incorrect terminology about to be used* but, thats also the beauty of grace...i WILL take it for granted sometime, like the spiritual whore i am(see hosea for biblical analogy), and he will again forgive me. and again he will pick me up after, dust off my bruises and cuts, wipe the blood from my self-induced contusions, and keep walking with me; and one day he will renew me and make me whole. i will be complete as i was when i entered the world: a perfect and pure creation, blameless in the site of the one who made me and gave me choice. thank God for...well...God :) and thank God for you. | | |
| Ready...set...Romans: 8:18-27 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. so, how bout that? so, my frustration has been subjected for a purpose. That i might learn to wait patiently for something i hope for, because well...who hopes for something they have? and that spirit in me, it helps me...it expresses my groans in coherent terminology that i cant express. so this bible...the one i read and have so many questions about...always helps me regardless of how many questions i might have. how can these 12 dudes(the apostles), most of who being ordinary or sub-par jews, create a religion so perfect and coherent in purpose and practice? how can these guys stumble upon Love, the most fulfilling and perfect thing in the world? how can they have wisdom, which if applied, can turn a world upside-down. easy, they are not lying when they claim things like: "God told me". | | |
| So. acts is now the book kicking my butt...in a good way. im reading acts right? and i cant help but read it, once again, in wonder. i mean seriously: baby christians being led by the apostles and crazy cool miracles left and right. and you have things like the conversion of saul, and philip teaching all of samaria and herod dying cause he was an arrogant jerk. once again...this would make an awesome movie. hehe...maybe i like movies too much. but you also have cool stuff like accurate prophecy being the side-note in acts where-as the real point is the brother hood serving eachother and meeting eachothers needs. anything with a dude "breathing murderous threats" on one page and the same guy "at once he began to preach in the synagogues that Jesus is the Son of God" on the very next page has got to be some kind of amazing book. So, angels busting peter out of jail is cool also. i kinda imagine the whole situation being in some sort of surreal filtered bright white light. Peter thinking hes having a vision, kinda taking the whole thing lightly, and then bam! hes right there in the middle of the street saying, "so i guess this really did happen." and then what about when simon the sorcerer and Ananias and sapphira getting what was coming to them? yeah...and the room shaking cause the brothers were praying for courage! thats way cool. then they preached the word! thats even cooler. yeah, so this might be the most random jumble of thoughts ive had in a while. i didnt sleep much last night. forcing myself to stay awake so i can get on a normal sleep pattern is...interesting. my mind kinda feels like mush, and all i want to do is watch a movie to keep my eyes from shutting. its a good thing though. i think thats part of what God wants from me...to learn how to push through my sleepyness and still do what i should be doing. cause there will be plenty of tired moments in my life...how will i handle them? with rejoicing and thanksgiving happy to be considered worthy of such a trial? or the other end, whining cause im grumpy and need a nap like a 4 year old? not that being sleep deprived is all that great of a trial, but if i fail to keep a positive outlook and attitude, it can certainly be compared to a testing of my faith. good deal. | | |
| So, i havent blogged on this dealy in a long while. oh well. here goes: yeah, ive been thinking alot lately. its what happens when you cant have stimulating conversation with anyone you run into. i think alot...talk a little with alex...but it isnt enough. Hes an awesome guy, but i dont think he really understands what im talkin' about most of the time. i need someone to just spew my guts out too that will empathize with me. its hard to have a million thoughts and never get 300,000 of them out. but ya know, thats what God is testing me with i think. i think he really wants me to be able to depend on Him for my spewing. to NOT be so impatient, and to control my crazy self. so, other than that, things here are good. learning french is crazy...i thought that it would be very similar to spanish...but no such luck; at least not enough to matter. its NOT phonetic...its DOESNT follow any patterns...its grammar IS ridiculous...even the native speakers admit to not being able to speak it right. it is enjoyable though...difficult but enjoyable. yeah, so i sound like a whiner right now. i dont really like sounding like a whiner. John, the apostle, rocks my world. i mean when i read his gospel, i think to myself, "wow...Jesus was a bad dude! he had everyone in the dark! he could walk verbal and spiritual circles around anyone...but he chose not to. He said things for certain people to hear, and let those who werent ready to understand bounce around in their own confusion..." Not only that, but the Gospel of john would make a great movie...yeah, so im a man of my generation. its all good. Yeah, so Jesus amazes me every time i read the gospels. I love the fact that he rose from the dead...i mean, thats the kinda magic i want to see. Maybe im a jew at heart...i want to see signs. seeing is what im good at. i can open my physical eyes NO PROBLEM. but those spiritual eyes and the "eyes of my heart", as the song says...they arent so easily opened. They are more stubborn, and less understandable. No wonder we love those spiritual highs from worshipping with the brothers. Pouring ourselves out is alot easier with the help of others i think. but, as usual these are my thoughts an i could be COMPLETELY wrong. anywho... grace and peace all, i should be sleeping. Caleb AIMing in Strasbourg France | | |
| yeah...i got a myspace. i havent done anything to it yet. nothing. it has my name...thats it. once i do that, its probly the end of me using this. but until then: how are things with everyone? i had an awesome experience 2 nights ago. i met a guy on the tram named Charles. he speaks english really well, and he enjoys speaking with people who do speak english. also, we had an awesome talk about God. Good deal...he is originally from Nigeria but grew up in some french speaking country in Africa. anywho, he is coming to the bible study and word cup party tonight! awesome stuff is happening already. the Lord is amazing! he works in ways we need Him to everyday. the way we met charles is nothing short of providential serendipity. While we were eating, Alex says, "what time is it?" well it was 11:45pm and we are normally supposed to be home at 11pm, so we were incredibly late, and didnt know it. so, we ask for the check(here in france that can take a while...)that took another 15 minutes. so, after that we hop on the tram where we met Charles and have a conversation with him from the start of the tram ride until we talk on the corner where we went our seperate ways for about 40 minutes. it was awesome! anyways, we let daniel know how late we were out on accident and everything was all good there...and on top of that we are hopefully bringing charles to the party and bible study tonight. good deal! praise God! well, i gotta go bug somebody about money. i have to do that here in strasbourg. euros are more expensive than dollars, and the cost of living is more expensive in euros....
grace and peace from the Father above,
Caleb | | |
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